In the event of my untimely death, I hope people will ensure the following events occur:
~these are my dream FUNeral ideas I’ve had since childhood; if u crush my dreams, I will haunt you~
By: David Ostow
That my gravestone say the following things, despite some being untrue:
“It took 7 armed guards to take her down.”
“She died doing what she loved, fighting with the staff at Arby’s.”
“Beloved pest who dragged out jokes for decades for her own entertainment.”
That my gravestone have The Grimace etched into it as some sort of angel.
That I be buried in a clown suit.
That Slimer, the love of my life, be forced to come and speak for at least 30 minutes about the mistakes he made during our many relationships.
That Jock Jams blast at my wake so loudly that nobody can hear each other.
That people record people getting annoyed by the music and that those recordings are cast live onto a projection screen above my body.
That everyone I ever slept with to be court-ordered to speak at my funeral.
That my funeral have the same aesthetic as the music video for Master P’s “Make Em Say Ugh.” The tank is required.
There will be an open invitation for anyone with a grudge against me to speak at my funeral.
That the “Top 10 Dumbest Things Gina Ever Did” is printed out in a poster, also near my body.